Zero Sum Games

accidentally alive; getting juice with a heavy heart. the only girl i've ever loved, the tinges that won't for the life of me depart. the skyscrapers i miss in hindsight, the mornings that evolve from late nights. backs broken and hunched, eyes dotted, closed and scrunched. i knew this wasn't going to be easy, somehow, but being here it seems harder to come down off my high horse, off my sky-course, off my 'the end is nigh' morse code messages to anyone and no one. i don't have a heart but i've been trying to grow one. i know you have something of a green thumb, but trying to talk to your face makes me dumb. you hand me the seed, hands gloved. the only girl i've ever loved. put it in my chest, sew it up. hope for the best, give me a hug. waiting for an olive-branch bearing dove that i'm pretty sure won't be the only girl i've ever loved. so it goes but this hurts and it shows. oh well.