So, fuck, yeah, shoot me. I want to die...

After that debacle of a half a school day.

It was hell.

HELL.

And I don't toss that around lightly.

I am currently in the clutches of a suicidal depression.

Ali's not in my English class.

Because I'm not in her Math class.

Because I screwed up both my Math exams and most of the year, too.

Alex Myhr sits next to me in Econ.

Prachar's splitting up the guys in French class.

And we have a phrase subordonnée test tomorrow.

I haven't finished my summer reading notes or reading.

I hate Zigby with a passion.

I have to do a presentation in Commins' class.

I'm probably going to fail Chemistry.

There are no hot new girls for me to get to know.

My life, as of now, just took a remarkable turn for the crapz0rz.

Sigh.

Hold me.

"...you gave me life now / show me how to live..."

Audioslave - Show Me How to Live

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck.

Gah.

Ugh.

I feel like a skier, it's all downhill from here.

No rocking on today.

*

Notorious BIG

changes going on.

I changed the format.

Tekka was nice but there was no way to get my profile into the picture.

So, this is what you get.

Deal with it, muthasuckas.

"...and there he found the spark to / set this fucker off..."

Audioslave - Set It Off

*

Dehui...

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat are you saying?

Heh.

*

Well, here I am, halfway through the book...

And I've allotted... 226 more pages to myself for the rest of the day... Hopefully I'll be able to make it. Take that, Anna and Oblonsky and Levin and Karenin and Kitty and Dolly and Vronsky and all you cultured, Russian, fictional annoyances.

Writing the notes will be hell.

Anyway.

*holds up sign to the audience*

"SIGH HEAVILY"

That's right, the return of my iMac has been postponed until Tuesday night.

That's nearly a week of postponation.

Or should I say, P0STPWN4G3...

Ugh.

Still no MSN.

No iTunes.

No Safari.

And, gasp, no... TextEdit!

That's right, I'll have to finish up my summer reading notes using Microsoft Word.

The horror of it all.



Adding to that are my complete and utter loneliness, the effects that AK is having on my psyche, the fact that it's been raining on and off for the past two days and the FACT THAT NO ONE FUCKING READS MY BLOG DAMN YOU ALL!!!11!!!1!!1!!1!11111oneoneoneoneoneone etc.

Oh, yeah, and good luck to Team Canada on Tuesday.

You're going down, you American punks.

Down I say.

"...the rungs torn from the ladder / can't reach the tumor / one god, one market / one truth, one consumer / just a quiet and peaceful dance / just a quiet and peaceful dance / just a quiet and peaceful dance / for the things we will never have..."

That's Evil Empire, to round out all the albums I have that are really, really, really, ridiculously good-sounding.

Next blog: Maybe some Audioslave or AFI.

Rock, rock on.

*

w00t.

238 pages. Rock on, me.

A few things of note:

I'm really lonely.

Still no computer.

Thinking about the future of my blog, which, as far as I know, has no readers so far. Kinda wondering just how much I should reveal given that I don't know who will read this in the future and/or who's reading it now and/or what someone who's reading it now or in the future will tell people thus exposing my deepest, darkest secrets to people I don't wish to enlighten on these subjects.

With all the potential for double-dealing going on, I'm starting to wish I was a criminal mastermind with an armed-like-a-SWAT-team posse to set on people.

Of course most of this is just me believing that I'm of any importance whatsoever to people.

At any rate, time, I think, for more summer reading.

That and dessert.

"...beat my compassion black and blue..."

That's Tool, just for a bit of variety.

Rock, rock on, as my soon-to-be-in-my-possession iPod says.

It and Cheat Commando Toys, but that's a whole 'nother blog entry.

*

So Anna Karenina has yet to submit to me entirely...

But I've read 170-odd pages out of 852, and I have all of Monday and a good bit of Tuesday, as well as quite a bit left of today to finish it.

All things considered, I'm probably falling a little behind but that's typical Alex. No surprises here.

One thing that really bugs me about me, besides the obvious bits, is that my hair is taking FOREVAR to grow back innnnn... I need my decent-looking self back, and soon. How am I supposed to get a girl at school if I'm shorthaired and ugly?

Of course, the reasonable part of me says, "Girls don't only go after good looks, ya know." and then the self-deprecating part of me goes, "Not that your personality & wit are any good." with a sneer.

And they're both right, sadly.

Anywho.

One thing that I find intriguing is Christian girls.

They're so... faith obsessed. I find that really hot for some reason, despite my own inability to be all devout.

I mean, look at the list, Cha, Caro, Nikki, Sara, now Lucy, funnily enough, which is really, really weird and random and just a passing fancy but still.

Speaking of Christian girls, I managed to stop hating my sis.

I still dislike her though.

Can you say, "Mood swing?"

I can.

Heh.

Anyways, back to my narcissism.

"...i got a head full of ideas / that are driving me insane..."

That's off Renegades, so I guess my TBoLA kick is slowing down.

*

Man...

Born of a Broken Man, by RATM, off TBoLA is such a powerful song... o_O

Anywho, just a little recap, this is not a commercial for MTV.

Heh.

I love those commercials.

Anywho.

The drop out of the camp bubble kinda snuck up on me.

Bastard.

I miss camp... and sadly enough, I miss God which is ridiculous, but anyone who's felt the camp bubble burst can probably understand what I'm feelin'.

Still no iMac, in case you're reading this.

I'm furious.

Few.

Ree.

Us.

I need my computer...... ;_; to steal San-san's emoticons.

X(

That's my own invention.

Anywho.

For the third time. I like to repeat things a lot.

School is taking forever to get here... which is so odd of me to say, because usually I hate school.

But, and I was thinking about this earlier, this year is different.

I'll tell you why.

Years past, going into school, what I really wanted was out and I wanted it ASAP.

Now, my last year of high school, I don't want it to end.

I want to savour it.

To have the good times with my friends.

Maybe even gain a chick.

That would be cool.

But my point is, because the school year seems so freaking long in August, so infinite until June, I don't mind starting school because it puts me far away from where I don't want to be, which is done high school forever. Usually, August put me far away from where I wanted to be, which was done school for the summer.

This year it's different.

Also, none of my freaking friends are around this weekend. I'm so bored to tears.

It's terrible.

Ali's visiting relatives.

Dan's in North Bay still.

Dehui's at a volleyball tournament.

Alex is in Montreal, all alone, with no iMac (yet), no iPod (yet), and no school to pass the time (yet.)

So what do I do?

The answer's quite simple.

Summer reading, of course.

Anna Karenina will be my bitch for the next few days.

While I mull over a possible theme for Midnight's Children.

Damn you, Salman Rushdie.

Damn you to hell.

No, not really, but not only is your name unpronounceable, but you also write awesome books with indecipherable themes.

Though I never was particularly good at figuring out themes.

Stupid themes.

"...and orwell's hell / a terror era coming through / but this little brother's / watching you too..."

*

I've come to the ineffable conclusion that...

I hate my sister.

There's nothing about her that doesn't piss me off.

Sure, she could die, and I'd weep until there were no more tears to weep.

But right now, the person that she is, I hate her.

Which is difficult to come to terms with.

Because you're supposed to love your siblings.

Sure, you can fight with 'em, sure you can annoy them to no end, but at the end of the day, you're supposed to love 'em, somehow.

I find myself strangely incapable of doing this.

I fucking hate her.

Maybe my expectations of her are unreasonable.

Maybe I would've hated me, at that age.

But that still doesn't change the fact that I want school to freaking start already because damned if I could survive another week of this bullshit.

The funny thing is I'm mostly to blame for it all.

And for all I know she probably hates me just as much.

Aren't we cute?

Didn't think so.

Ugh.

*

Well so much for my luck...

Not only did I not really talk to anyone on MSN last night, except for a short convo with Sachi that was really forgettable, but alsooooooo no iMac.

I'm starting to hate the good (or bad) people at BMac because damn you fix my freaking computer!

Ugh.

So, in lieu of doing something irrational like showing up at their warehouse with a sawed-off shotgun, like any good criminal mastermind would, actually scratch that, a criminal mastermind would send a posse armed like a SWAT team to get his computer back, I sit here on my parents' computer, wearing too-big boxers, having not eaten anything, nor left the house, nor done anything really and it's nearly 1 o'clock.

I am the picture of pathetic.

I could probably do with a girl right now.

But then, so could about half the world.

That's factoring in the lesbian population and factoring out the gay population.

Because they're probably close enough to approximately knock out the difference between the number of men & the number of women living on this planet.

Of course, my thinking is flawed.

Because what about pre-pubescent kids and people who are already in a relationship?

Whatever.

I'm a criminal mastermind. If my logic is flawed, I can have my armed-like-a-SWAT-team posse take you out just for good measure.

Don't fuck with me.

*

The Noose & The Rapist

Do you choose
Death
Or Desecration?

Make a choice
The fork in the road fast approaching
Make a choice
Make a choice
And make the right one
Or on your neck the noose starts encroaching
Was the right choice rape?
Or should you have died?

How can you live with that choice
Knowing you made it in good faith
How can you turn on the bathroom lights
And look in the mirror and see your face?

You should have chosen death, my dear.
You should have chosen death.

At least then you wouldn’t have to live
With your idiocy
At least then you wouldn’t have to live
A hollow, brittle nothingness
A hollow, brittle nothing

You should have chosen death, my dear.
You should have chosen death.

You’re a ghost, a ghost.
Nothing but a ghost.
Nothing but a ghost.
Nothing but a ghost.
Nothing but a ghost.
Nothing but a ghost.
Nothing but a ghost.
Nothing but a, nothing but a
Nothing.

As anyone who will ever read this could theoretically tell, I have way more time on my hands than I know how to make good use of. So I write shitty lyrics to ease my boredom. The title is based on some RATM lyrics from Sleep Now in the Fire off The Battle of Los Angeles (which is my CD of the moment. All you Alex worshippers take note.)

Anyways, I'm waiting for my parents to show up.

And my sister's gone for the night, so in spite of the absence of my iMac, I get to use MSN again today.

With any luck someone will be online.

Someone I can force to read this tripe.

With any luck at all.

Aight, b, I'mma be straight with ya.

Things didn't turn out as planned.

Minor setback.

However, with any luck, I will no longer by iMac-less by tomorrow at noon.

This is good.

Sigh... I guess I'll live.

As you can tell, though you really can't because you're not there and even if you ever do read this the events of which I speak will be long past, I'm rapidly making my blog less sucky.

I did a profile, added title option, pic of me (albeit an old one) and other stuff.

Now, you can worship me.

Right on.

"...and the powerful got nervous / cause he refused to be their servant..."

Anyway.

I went ahead and did it.

My Pathetic Excuse for a Life was more like My Pathetic Excuse for a Blog Title, because now I sort of do have a life, and the old title was crappy and narcissistic in a depressing kind of way.

So now I'm Abducted by the Alphabet.

Because, in terms of expressing yourself through a blog, when you have no digital camera or Blogger knowhow, all you can really do is use those 26 characters to get your message across.

Kind of constricting, if you ask me.

So Abducted by the Alphabet I am, and shall remain until I come up something better.

Also,

Wait, I lost my train of thought.

Whatever.

Wow.

I just re-read my first post in its entirety and holy shit was that messed up. In retrospect, I sound really immature, insecure, and annoying.

Which isn't to say that I'm not those things now, but that I was trying to hide my personality problems a bit.

Anyways.

Today I have to head down to get my iMac from BMac, and I'm not particularly looking forward to it.

Being that I'll have to travel really far, and spend a lot of money, and then take a cab back.

But, and this is a big but, the pleasure of having my own computer, running OS X 10.2.8 and all that jazz is certainly enticing.

Thus, I'm going to do it.

Also, and this is a big also, it means I can be secluded from my family, who oftentimes annoy me like nothing else, for longer periods of time.

Ahh, being a teenager.

Plus, I get MSN back.

This is crucial.

Really.

MSN is like, how I survive.

Without MSN, I might as well not know anyone in the world.

I don't have the self-confidence to call people.

And they rarely call me.

And people (cough, Ali, cough, Sachi, cough) never reply to my emails.

So I'm alone, except for my sister and my mom.

Both of whom I cannot stand for good periods of time.

And my dad, who's cool peeps, except that he's rarely around.

Oh, what a tangled web I weave.

In the mean time, listen to Rage Against The Machine - The Battle of Los Angeles

You'll thank me later.

"...calm like a bomb! (ignite!) (ignite!) (ignite!) (ignite!) (ignite!) (ignite!) (ignite!) (ignite!) (ignite!)..."

Heh.

Peace.

Well, after that depressing, angst-filled and long-ago post, I decided I might actually give this thing a second try. So here's my second in (hopefully) a long and continuining string of blog posts.

A lot happened in between.

Now, I'm here, not queer, though many people would disagree, and I have to go play Scattergories with my family.

So, I'll make this short and to the point.

Holy fuck am I broke.

It's kinda sad.

I'll hit you up tomorrow, or something.